Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Learning french according to youtube (and the visa arrival!!)

No news. Well, only that yesterday we noticed thar our status changed from "en cours" to "decision prise" I guess that means the visa will arrive in no time.

So we are remembering the whole frech learning trip we have made. And what better way to tell how we learned french than watching a few youtube videos? This is what happened to us:

At first, our poor teacher struggled to make me pronounce right the basics of the language and I was really really bad at it!:

Then, I felt in love with the language and suddenly I just wanted to translate everything to french!!

The result? I speak english (or at least I try to) since 2000. French since 2008. And now, I'm ashamed to admit that I speak english with an odd accent like this one:

Yep, I better keep writing!

For obvious reasons the videos displayed at the french and spanish versions are different, I invite you all to give them a look.

I hope we'll continue to laugh together!

Update: My mother in law just call me to give me the good news: the visas finally arrived!!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Sentences you will hear while your visa arrives

My question is, are you honestly prepared for actually getting your Cértificat de Séléction du Québec? Do you really really know what that means? We didn't knew anything. We were unprepared, and I hope you won't.

After you finally get your CSQ, you tell your family, friends, work buddies, neighbourgs and even your pets, that you are truly going to Canada. That's a fact, BUT you still have to wait the visa arrival, in Colombia's case that might take 3 to 16 months, sometimes more than that. You believe that's pretty clear to everyone, (poor little thing) but IS NOT.

So before I start this "top ten", let's first try to get truly pro's at the fake smile that will save you from a social disaster, your face should look like this:

1. Grit your teeth.
2. Start lifting your lips.
3. Always think pretty thinks, for instance, that an anvil is going to hit the speaker at any moment. Just as seen in the Looney Tunes.

See? it isn't that hard. Just never forget to answer smiling like this. It's going to be good for your health I swear.

So here they are, the experiences and sentences you will hear a million times (and even more)

0. This is "0" because even if you are not actually traveling, people has the idea that Canada is the north pole and so, you're going to live in an igloo and your neighbourgs will be the penguins and polar bears.

1. Prepare yourself to loose your name. "Peter", "Mary", "David", "Spike", that's ancien history! From now on, you'll be named for eternity and until you take that flight, as "The one who leaves", let's take a look at it in context:
You're walking in the street. Someone sees you and aproaches you, this person will always start the dialogue this way:
1.1 Oh... hi! You must be Susan's son, the one who's leaving to Canada!

You're introduced to someone new. This is the actual dialogue you'll hear:
1.2. Mr. Smith, let me introduce you to my daughter, she's the one who is leaving us... In this case your parent will always add himself to the sentence and a little tear will show up, fighting to get out of there.

2. You'll be the biggest moron on earth. Did you know about Sara? She has to be crazy! She spends hours and hours studying french when she's migrating to Canada!

3. You feel like your mom's about to write your obituary.
- My beloved son, I can believe this is your last x-mast with me! (little tear showing up)
- The last valentine's !
- The last mother's day !
It sounds like if they already knew the exact day you're going to die! (well actually this is not entirely bad, you'll see at grandpa's birthday how your piece of cake is Godzilla-sized, cause you're the one who's leaving!)

4. Suddenly, everyone is an immigration lawyer.
4.1. How come you have to wait so long? That's not normal! ring the embassy right away!!!
4.2. If the cousin's brother of a friend got the visas in only two months that means there's something wrong with your file!
4.3. And if they denied you your visa? Dear, you better call ASAP to find out what happened instead of waiting like a dumb all your life! (For Christ's sake remember to smile here before world war III begins in your livingroom!!!)

5. This is the cherry at the top of the icecream and it happens after you take the medical exam: Baby! you're actually leaving the country? I tought you had forget this crazyness! Why don't you just try and think about it twice?

6. There's always a street wise. The one who knows this world better than God (but in reality doesn't know anything other than his own state)
6.1. So finally you're not going to Canada? It's better that way. You always see at the news that there, the kids shoot their little buddies with mini-uzzis in kindergarden, colombian people are discriminated everywhere and it seems to me they're in the middle of an economical crisis. It's better to stay! (well the only thing you can deny this guy is that, to you, Colombia is the most beautiful country in this universe, and you'll miss it forever)

7. Get used to be greeted and inmediatly be asked "How's the Canada thing going?" In that case, always smile and then answer, "fine, everything's the same than always" I strongly recommend to do so, cause a day I was really angry I answered one of my cousins "I'm tired of you asking me all the time the very same thing, go and read my blog, that's why I created it in the first place!" And guess what... He was really mad at me!!! At least he isn't mad anymore... at least that's what I think... -gulp-

8. Your parents become the target of all kinds of immigration questions:
-And how they got that visa?,
-Natan hired a lawyer or something?,
-Can you write me down the whole process? I hope we're finally getting rid from Julian that little good-for-nothing!!!

My mother in law answers pretty fine.... But my mother! Oh my God! She has told everything, that I have a student's visa, that a Canadian enterprise hired me, that i'm a refugee... everything but the truth of course. At the end she always gives my e-mail adress so people ask me directly. (MOMMY I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH DON'T GET UPSET) - I'm smiling and I look so adorable! -

and last but not least:

9. Your existence is anulated and erased from this country. And there are two different cases.
In the first case, the speaker is related to you, or kind of. You'll always hear:
But how!?! You are not in Canada! I thought you were already there! (Attention: From the moment you hear the yell how! you MUST start to smile)
You should answer, No Mr. Knowles, I'm not travelling until next year... (Idiot, how could I be in Canada if I'm standing here in front of you!)

In th second case, the speaker is not that close to you. Is the same sentence but they are never going to say Canada:
But how!?! You are not in Spain! I thought you were already there!
But how!?! You are not in the US! I thought you were already there!
But how!?! You are not in Australia! I thought you were already there!

Try to keep a record of the countries you'll hear. Our three winners are above and in that exact order.

Sometimes, just sometimes I feel like this:

I have to confess that my husband advised me NOT to publish this but I strongly believe they're going to take it as it's written: with love and humour. If they don't, I'm officially dead (at least my obituary is ready).

If you ever experienced this, you can tell us your anecdotes in the comments. Maybe I'm forgetting something, or your families are even more awful than mine! hihihihi

Love hurts we can certify it!